Heavy Metals
by BabyNeurotic
Summary: Harley knew it was a mistake to integrate herself back into the world she had once longed to leave, but Charming was calling her home. Can she handle her place in Samcro Royalty?
1. Chapter 1

The world was rushing, the movement of the bus lulling me to sleep once again as I stared out at the passing scenery, blurred and distorted, much like my life had been since I had started my way back to Charming.

It had been snowing when I had fallen asleep earlier that morning. Soft, fluffy snowflakes swirling around the long and nearly vacant road that stretched out before the lumbering bus before smashing into the windshield, becoming nothing more than splashes of water wiped away by the next cycle of the wipers.

But now, as my eyes struggled to remain open and my mind forced itself awake, I could see the heat waves rising up off the scorching asphalt.

The seemingly endless motel rooms and dinners of fast food. Baths in dirty tubs and dirty pillows to lay my head down on. All to go back to a place I didn't want. To a family I didn't need.

To something that would, without a shred of doubt, turn into something bad.

I had left Charming on the eve of my sixteenth birthday, slipping out of my window and into the night as my father lay, drunk, on the living room couch, a croweater passed out between his legs.

My nose crinkled at the memory as I adjusted myself, my mind perking up from the movement, only to dull once again as I focused my attention out the window, pulling my hoodie tighter around me.

I had bought a one way ticket to Virginia, as far as I could possibly get from Charming, with the little money I had managed to sneak from my father's clothes when he had finally peeled the sweaty pieces of cloth from his body long enough for me to wash.

I had no family in Virginia. I knew not a soul when, three days later, I stepped off that bus, tired and cramping from my neck to my toes. For awhile I had lived on the streets. Spending my nights stashed under bridges and my days searching for work.

I had to have paved a damn hole in the unforgiving landscape until I finally found my first shitty ass job at a storehouse. It was hard work and made me sore, but it got me an apartment and food every night, so I couldn't very well complain.

I was happy.

I had an apartment, a good job…a guy who loved me….hell, we even had a damn dog together.

But then, a week or so ago, I got a call from the last person in the fucking world I wanted to hear from.

Xxxxxxx

" _Harley." Said the voice that had haunted my dreams for damn near three years. "Your pop…he's in the hospital….they say he ain't gonna make it."_

It was like I had been doused with freezing water, my head turning to glance over at my boyfriend, oblivious, as he sat, sprawled out on our couch watching one of his idiotic crime shows.

" _How did you get this number?" I had finally managed, my voice soft. "How the hell did you find me, Clay?"_

" _You know we have charters all over, doll." He replied simply, before dropping off, obviously waiting for me to speak._

 _But I refused._

 _After a moment of silence and the irritating crackling of the bad connection, he sighed._

" _He wants his daughter home." Clay continued, his words slow and deliberate. "He wants to make amends. "_

 _I snorted out a laugh, a bitter and humorless sound that made Dallas peek over the back of the couch, his dark eyebrows furrowed._

" _Make amends for what?!" I spat in a hushed voice, turning my back to Dallas's questioning gaze. "For being a shitty father? For getting Kole killed? For driving my mother to kill herself?!"_

" _Rip did what he had to! He is a Brother, Harley! Brothers make hard, potentially life shattering sacrifices every goddamn day!" He raged into the phone, snarling lightly before taking a deep breath, his tone calmer when he continued. "Look….I'm not asking you to come back to Charming for good or be apart of the club in anyway. I'm just asking you to fulfill a dying man's dying request. And, even as hard headed and bitter as you've always been, even you should see that no matter how shitty you think the person is, they should always get a chance to explain themselves. "_

 _Silence._

' _Dammit!'_

" _Alright…..Fine!" I hissed, holding my phone tighter then needed, hearing the cheap plastic crack. "I will stay long enough for him to say what he wants, but after….I"m GONE, Clay. You forget this number, you forget where I live, you forget I even fucking existed. "_

 _With that I had snapped my phone shut, sighing an exhausted sigh before dropping my forehead against the cool wall with a hollow 'thud'._

 _God fucking damn it._

Xxxxxxx

I knew it the minute we entered Charming.

It was a town like no other.

A shit hole stuck in the decades. Full of off brand mom and pop stores and gas stations straight out of 80's.

 **Welcome to Charming!** A sign read as we pulled into the tiny, outdated bus station. **Where everybody is Family!**

Xxxxxx

My eyes stayed glued forward as I made my way through the double doors that opened into the hospital surprisingly busy lobby, their glass catching the light as I pulled them open, the toe of my boot thudding against the threshold.

I could feel their eyes, following me closely, as I walked across the newly redecorated lobby towards the long, white hall that stretched almost the entire length of the small building, ignoring the woman at the admissions desk who stood as I passed.

I could hear their voices.

Their poor attempts at whispers as I walked.

"Isn't that Rip Flanery's kid?" One woman whispered, leaning closer to the man at her side, head turned 'inconspicuously' as her eyes followed me.

"I thought she ran away years ago..." another said, before pretending to look down at whatever papers were in her hands as my attention drifted over her.

Getting my teeth I continued on, turning down one of the adjourning halls into the critical wing. The whole place stinking of death and bleach.

As sick as it was, all the times my father and I had been in there, I still knew my goddamn way around the shit hole.

Xxxxxx

Their vests where the first things I noticed as I neared the room. The reapers, colored bright white, glaring hatefully at me as I approached. My hands, hanging limply at my sides, my steps slowly to a crawl as I watched the huddled mass separate, turning to look at the echoing 'clomps' my boots caused.

Memories came rushing back.

Their faces, all so familiar and yet so strange, taking me back to my childhood.

'Run'

Clay was the first to speak, stepping forward, arms open wide and a sad smile splitting his lips.

"Harley." He greeted warmly, his voice as loud and imposing as I had remembered, his hugs just as tight as I stepped into his arms to wrap mine loosely around his waist. "Didn't know if you were gonna show." His hand, wrapped around my skull, squeezed and ruffled my hair. "Good to see ya, kid."

"Yeah, well…" I replied as I pulled away to step take a step back, rubbing a hand quickly across my forehead. "I did. Dad's finally dying, huh?"

"Shouldn't be so harsh, Harley." Clay replied, putting a heavy hand on my shoulder. "What happened to all the forgiving catholic bullshit yer mother drilled into you?"

I rolled my eyes and turned my head away preparing to enter my dads room when movement caught my attention, a shadow seen from corner of my eye and drawing my gaze over to where a man was stepping around the corner and into view.

A shadow from my goddamn past.

His eyes, as blue as any sea, still made my skin prickle as they settled on me, the greasy blonde hair tucked behind his ears longer than I remembered it, falling into his face as he came to a stop. The smile, once set firmly on his face, slowly started to drop as he took me in, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

Jackson Motherfucking Teller.

My heart still fucking fluttered.

Damn traitor.

The humorless snort that passed my lips and occupied the sudden thick silence that had settled around the group took me by surprise as I turned away from Jax and back to Clay, shrugging his hand off my shoulder.

"Lets go do some god damn forgiving." I mumbled, my tone bitter as I angled myself towards the door at my left. "Do some Hail Mary's or some shit."

Without another word I entered, shutting the door firmly behind me. As I turned I found myself greeted with a sight I had never witnessed before.

Don't get me wrong, my father had been in the hospital many times before, every other week at times, always 'on deaths door' only to pull through days later and go right back to his fucked up life style instead of coming home to me and mom.

But this…..this was different.

There IVs in each arm, one clear, the other deep red, their incessant beeping growing louder as I inched my way closer, stopping at his bedside.

"The mask," Clay suddenly spoke, sounding uncomfortable with the silence. "Is to help him breath. The IV in his left arm is pumping Antibiotics and the one in his right is filtering his kidneys. Had to have part of his liver removed…..real tough break.

He looked like shit. His hair, dyed shit brown, disheveled and greasy, was thinner than I remembered, his leathery face had more wrinkles. Silently I set my hands on the coarse white sheets beside him, my eyes skimming over him with a curiosity that hadn't been there before.

He had gotten fatter, his beer gut bigger than ever I noted. And he stunk.

Stunk bad.

"Ugh!" I groaned as I took a step back, covering my nose with the sleeve shirts f my hoodie, brow furrowing.

"He's pretty bad, Har." Clay said, coming to my side. "Docs gave him a week. Tops."

Silence.

"He stinks…."I said mechanically, my eyes still on my dad. "Don't they ever bath him?"

"They tried….for a few days." Clay sighed. "But after awhile the nurses got fed up with his wondering hands and just stopped trying."

"Jesus Christ, man." I said, hands raising to cover my face. "Of course, why won't he be a perv on his fucking death bed. Stupid of me to think different. "

"They just sedated him a couple hours before you arrived so he'll be out for the rest of the day, maybe most of the next too…."

I knew what was coming.

The sneaky bastard.

"You got anywhere to stay tonight?"

After a moment of silence and internal arguing, my eyes watching the covers draped over my father rise and fall, I shook my head.

"Not unless you count another motel room, dude." My voice was soft as I spoke, my mind wondering, thinking I'd have to drive about five miles out of Charming for any kind of decent room for the night. "Don't even think I have enough money for that though."

"You know the dorms are open to any child of a Brother, Harley."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know…."

To be hones, the more I thought about it, the more appealing it sounded. A bed with clean sheets did sound fucking tempting.

Tempting enough for me to even consider staying at the loud and beer soaked club. There was only one thing that could change my mind, and that _thing_ was standing right outside the door.

"No….Probably wouldn't be smart-"

"Truth is I'd feel better if you were with us, hun. Under our roof." Clay's voice interrupted. "Still haven't caught the guys who did this to your old man. You'd be safe."

"But….Jax, Clay. I can't get….I just can't." I replied, my eyes dropping to my hands. "I got a life back in Virginia. An apartment. A job….."

"Jax ain't gonna do anything, Har." Clay said, his voice trying to be soothing. "You made your feelings very clear to him when you just up and disappeared. Besides, boys got a fiancée now.

"Tara…." I said, already knowing Clay's answer. She's always had a thing for him.

"Yeah….Gemma's not a fan."

Jax has a fiancée...

For some reason those words struck a cord inside me they shouldn't have, pulling at the already frayed strings of my heart.

'Of course he does, you stupid bitch. What the hell did you expect.'

"So…what do ya say?" Clay continued. "I'll have Gemma bring some of the dinner she made over for you, warm and all."

Silence.

"Yeah, Clay." I finally replied, nodding my head. "I'll stay at the club."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: okay, this is mostly a filler chapter. I've been working on it for like…2 weeks now and just couldn't figure out a good way for her to be reintroduce to the guys. I'm sorry if this chapter fell short, I am not happy with it either. But this is seriously the best version I have :/ But, I've already started the next chapter so the wait will not be long. Thank you to everybody who followed/Favorites/Commented on this story. I'm happy it was enjoyed.**

Xxxxx

The black van pulled into the lot of the Teller-Marrow garage, the prospect beside me shutting off the gentle purr of the engine with a flick of his wrist. The roar of the bikes were still a ways away, nearly lost amongst the other noise of the street. I heaved a sigh and pulled my phone from my pocket.

14 unread messages

"Holy fucking hell." I mumbled as I snapped it shut once again, shoving it into my pocket. I already knew what they were gonna say and did not want to deal with that right now.

A part of me was angry. Dallas knew what I was doing. What I was dealing with…to an extent. He had promised to let me be, to deal with this in my own way. But, of course, that didn't last long. His neediness always won out in the end.

But another part of me, a very small part was flattered.

I had a person who cared and loved about me so much that he missed me when I was gone….

The clearing of a throat caught my attention, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Are you happy to be back in Charming?" The Prospect at my side asked when I turned to look at him, an unsure smile on his face.

Small talk.

Great.

"Happy doesn't even begin to describe it." I replied after a moment, my brow furrowing. "Don't I know you?"

His smile was sheepish, his eyes shifting away quickly before returning. "We were in some of the same classes in high school…..hung around the club a lot too."

"Oh yeah," I smirked, pointing a finger at him. "You're the kid that always hung around Jax and Opie."

He chuckled softly, watching as I pulled a cigarette from my pack, thanking me as he pulled one as well. "Still kinda do, I guess."

"How much longer you got, Prospect? " I asked as I flicked my lighter a few times.

"Half sack. Just passed my year mark…so, any day now? I hope." He replied as he shrugged, letting out a lungful of grey smoke.

Half sack? What….the fuck.

"What the fuck kinda nickname is half sack?" I laughed, shifting slightly, the heat starting to get to me.

"I lost a nut when I was in the army. Shit was blown right off." His eyes cast back over to me. "Wanna see?"

Silence.

"Yeah, Imma say I'm good." I relied, wrinkling my nose as I took a drag.

Our short conversation stopped then, dropping into silence as we smoked, a sharp knock on the driver's side window taking us both my surprise.

"Gemma's here," Clay said after Half Sack rolled the window down, a cigar in hand as he gestured towards the office. "I gotta go check on the boys in the garage so just head on in. And Prospect-"

"Yeah, Clay?"

Clay looked at him for a moment, irritation written on his face. "Don't you have some toilets to plunge?"

Xxxxx

'Quaint.' I couldn't help thinking, the door chiming happily as I pushed it open. The sudden, cool air that blasted into my face was welcomed, blowing loudly from the air conditioner crammed into the window above the file cabinet.

Clicking my tongue I continued forward, strolling around the desk and flipping down into the empty chair that stood behind it, spinning myself around slowly as I took in all the old and yellowed nudie pictures stuck up on the wall.

"Well….as I live and breathe," Gemma's familiar voice suddenly said, causing me to stop my movements and turn back around to the door. "Never thought I'd see you in these parts again."

She looked exactly the same as when I left. Her hair the same dark color and length. Her clothes still tight and gaudy….the same smirk plastered across her face.

She opened her arms as I stood, looking up at me as I walked over towards her.

"Looks like you got your dad's height, huh." She chuckled, holding me at arms length before pulling me into a tight, albeit short, hug. "How you holding up, baby?"

I shrugged, glancing out into the yard over her shoulder. "I'm fine….tired."

Silence.

She let out a sigh and dropped her arms. "Dismissive as always." She mumbled, pulling her oversized bag from her shoulder, the smile back on her face when her eyes returned to mine. "I brought you dinner, Clay said you're probably exhausted after your trip up here."

"He said I could stay in the club house." I said, reaching out to take the offered Tupperware, a small gold key taped to it's blue lid.

"Staying in the wolves den…..brave girl."

I shrugged, shifting on my feet. "I have before…."

"Yeah, but….you were a little girl then." Her hand reached up to touch my cheek lightly. "You're not a child anymore, baby. You've got what men want now."

My eyes narrowed as I stared down at her.

She was trying to psych me out.

"I think I'll be fine." I replied, brushing her hand away and moving to leave. "Thanks for the dinner, Gem."

'Bitch.'

Xxxxxx

Never had a door seemed to open so loudly as when I pushed the heavy wood of the door to the club house open, the smell of sweat, cigarettes and spilled beer taking over my senses as I stepped inside, feeling almost as if I had stepped back through the years.

As I rounded the corner I had half expected to see my father passed out at the bar, an empty glass in his hand and vomit in his hair. But instead I was greeted with a flock of scantily dressed Crow Eaters, all half leaning over the dull and dented wood of the bar as the shouted orders at the Prospect.

"Who the hell is she?" I heard one asked, her tone full of distaste, meeting my eyes as they fell on her, holding them as she sneered at me.

"Hey Harley." The Prospect suddenly said, looking up from the drinks he was pouring, flashing me a million dollar smile. I nodded in response as I walked over, leaning over the bar myself, arms curling under my chest.

"Want anything?" He asked when I stayed silent, my eyes drifting around the crowded room. "On the house." He chuckled at his own joke.

"No, probably just going to the dorm…." I replied, nodding my head at him as I started to turn away, only to turn back around seconds later. "Actually…..can I have a Whiskey?"

His smile was wide at my words. "Absolutely." He said as he turned and grabbed a shot glass and a bottle of Whiskey from the shelves behind him. He slid the glass to me first , followed by the drink, the clear liquid inside the half full bottle jerking as it hit my palm.

"Thanks, Prospect."

I pushed away from the bar once again and made my way across the room, the Whiskey held tight against my chest as the couples jarred me as I went, bumping their sweaty bodies into me as they danced drunkenly to whatever music was playing.

I sighed as I walked down the dark hallway, the noise from the common room fading away as I went further, dropping my bag to the floor as I stopped in front of my room, the numbers nailed to the doors dense wood matching the ones scribbled in sharpie on the key.

The smell of stale smoke was worse, I mused, as I kicked my bag in and pulled the door shut, sliding the lock into place with a soft click.

The bed squeaked as I slowly lowered myself down onto it, my body tired and sore from the trip. I opened the bottle in my hands with little effort as my eyes roamed the room.

It was even more of a shit hole than I remembered.

The walls were faded from smoke, unexplainable stains lining the floor boards and cigarette burns in the peach colored carpet were all I could pick out before I raised the bottle to my lips, the harsh smell hitting my nose before the bitter taste found it's way of into my mouth.

I drank in gulps as I fell back onto the bed.

'What a shitty fucking day.' I couldn't help but think as the last of the whiskey in my mouth was swallowed, burning it's way down my throat as I set the remaining on the bedside table. Turning on my side, I closed my eyes and inhaled the clean and soapy smell of the sheets, a slow smile acrossed my lips as I floated away.

I fell asleep that night pretending I was back in Virginia, in my own bed.

Xxxxxxx


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The amount of Follows and Favorites I've received so far only 3 chapter into this story is truly staggering. Thank you all for your continuing support and I hope I can keep the story going the way you guys all seem to like it :) I've gotten many PMs asking me when Harley will have her first real interaction with Jax since returning to Charming. I'm happy to tell you it won't be long seeing as I plan to in the next upload. I'm not sure how it will all go as of yet, but I am very excited to write it!**

 **Enjoy!**

Xxxxx

 **16 messages, 3 missed calls**

I woke the next morning holding my head, a groan pushing it's way through my gritted teeth as I turned over in bed. My clothes were damp from sweat and felt odd against the sheets as I shifted my legs, opening my eyes only to be greeted by the brightly light room spinning around me.

"Jesus Christ!" I spat, my vision failing as my eyes closed. Judging by the sun light it had to be earlier than I had originally expected it to be.

Slowly I attempted again, cracking on eye just far enough to glance at the hazey numbers of the clock hung on the wall a few feet away.

Noon.

Blindly I reached around, my fingers brushing against the chipped wood of the bedside table at my back until they connected with the warm bottle from the night before. After a few drinks I was able to will myself up, the room growing still as I heaved a sigh.

I was not excited to venture out of that room.

I was afraid of what lurked outside it.

"All ya gotta do is stick around until the old man dies, then you're gone." I reminded myself, my voice hoarse.

My mind was still fuzzy as I went to dig in my bag, moving as little as possible as I bent, returning to my previous position seconds later with a pack of cigarettes and lighter in hand.

Nothing was better than that first smoke in the morning.

While I puffed away I stared ahead at the wall, trying to ignore the tingle that bit at my nerves each time voices drifted up the hall from the common room or the roar of a bike echoed from the garage just outside my window.

This whole place put me on edge.

'I should not fucking be here…' I thought for the millionth time, bracing my hands on my knees and pushing myself up. I made my way over to the dusty window easily, pulling the curtains to the side slightly to peek out at the lot.

Men, draped in grey overalls, scurried across the pavement in various directions. Some holding tools or some sort of part for a customers bike. One man just wondered around lost, seeming unsure of what to do with himself, a smirk pulled at the corners of my mouth as I watched. Disinterest creeping in, I allowed my gaze to drift up and over to the garage.

The doors where open wide, allowing me to see the men inside as they worked, ducking in and out from under cars or on their way to and from the tools spread out on the table near the back.

My eyes rolled around the many identical grey jumpsuit, my boredom brewing again, until a mess of familiar blonde hair made my eyes stop short, focusing.

Jax.

He was squatted beside a pretty battered bike, arm deep in the organs, a cigarette hanging haphazardly from the corner of his mouth.

For a moment I just stood there, frozen in place, as I watched him work. His coveralls were unzipped and the arms tied around his hips, a white wife beater the only thing between his skin and the hot mid day sun. His hair was shining, the majority of it pulled back in a neat little bun, the rest was hanging down the sides of his face, damp with sweat.

My fingers, curled tightly around the sticky curtains, itched to reach out and push those strands behind his ears, as I had a long…..long time ago.

Part of me wanted to just say fuck it and run outside and into his arms, make all the hurt I had caused him all those years ago vanish.

'No.'

His head suddenly turned, bringing his face into profile. I watched him as he stood, wiping his oiled hands off on his coveralls, a wide smile on his face as he called out. My eyes turned to follow his, only to find a dark haired female running across the lot, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist.

I tried to ignore the pain that prickled around my temples as their heads inclined towards each other, their lips meeting with as much vigor as a couple who had not seen each other in years.

Tara.

My jaw set as I watched the seen unfold before me.

Why was I so upset?

To be honest, if I was asked that question at that exact moment I couldn't have answered it. I didn't know why the sight of them together made my teeth grit, why my nails dug into my palm as Tara slowly slid down his body and set her feet back onto the dusty ground.

Up until that very moment Jax had barely crossed my mind. Maybe once or twice as a fleeting thought, but never anything more.

I watched as Tara kissed his cheek one more time before turning and heading into the club, Jax watching her the entire way. He must have felt my attention on him because suddenly his eyes lifted, meeting mine in a way that made me feel a strange sense of terror.

He held my gaze for a few seconds, as if silently trying to beat me into submission and make me look away first, but I did not.

Finally, he ran his hands through his hair, messing it further, and turned back into the garage, walking out of sight.

I let out a gush of air from my lungs I didn't know I had been holding, letting the curtain slip from my fingers and fall back into place, slightly hindering my view of the bustling yard below me.

'What the hell just fucking happened!' I though as I slowly backed from the window, my arms dropping at my sides.

My own anger scared me, the jealousy I had felt when I saw Tara's arms around him threatened everything I had worked so hard to forgot.

To push away and out of my heart.

I couldn't do this.

I couldn't love him again.

'He loves Tara now.' I thought, wiping my suddenly sweating palms against my jeans. 'And you have Dallas.'

Everybody's happy.

Xxxxxx

I had never pegged Gemma as the kind of woman who made chili dogs.

I was sat cross legged on the bed, the opened Tupperware wedged between my legs as I examined the over loaded hotdog in my hands, chewing my mouthful slowly.

'That woman may be pain in my ass,' I thought, biting off another chunk. 'But the bitch can cook.'

A sharp knock vibrating through my room cut my meal short, drawing my attention from my food to the door that stood before me.

For a moment my heart stopped, wondering who the fuck would be knocking. Slowly, I set what was in my hands aside and got up, making my way over on silent feet. A stopped a foot or so away and listened, listened to the silence.

'Please don't be Jax…'

I was not ready for that….

"Rise and shine, Harley!" Clay's voice suddenly boomed, causing me to gasp and stumble back, my ass landing on the floor.

"Son of a bitch!" I shouted, my hands raising to cover my face as I waited for my heart to return to normal. "What the hell do you want!"

"Meet me in the church, Asap." He replied through the still locked door. "I want to talk to you alone before the boys get back."

"Yeah, fine." I shot back.

I waited until I heard his departing footsteps before I raised my head, looking around the room before climbing to my feet and grabbing the all but empty Whiskey bottle off the floor by the bed.

'And so begins the longest day in my life.' I thought bitterly, easily downing whatever was left before starting out, heaving a heavy sigh as I pulled the door open.

I peeked down the hall as I stepped out, shutting the door softly behind before beginning my way, sheepishly, towards the common room.

Xxxxxx

Jax and Opie had snuck me into the church more times than I could count when we were younger. Each of us taking a seat at the long table that stretched almost the entire rooms length, Jax at the head, Opie and I seated at his sides.

" _As it should be."_ Jax had always said, flashing us each a toothy smile as he fingered the gavel.

My jaw set at the memory, as I stood outside the closed doors of the church, my hand poised in the air to knock.

He was even a self entitled prick back then.

Rolling my eyes, I dropped my hand to the door knob, shining faintly in the dim light cast off from above the pool table.

Clay was seated at the head of the table, setting his papers aside and removing his glasses as he watched me step inside.

He didn't say anything at first, just sat and stared as I shifted my way to the foot of the table and pulled out the chair.

Silence.

My legs bounced wildly as I cast my eyes around the room. The dark walls and large reaper sent chills up my spine.

After a little while I cleared my throat, ready for this silence to end. As soon as my mouth opened to speak, Clay interrupted.

"Are you happy with your life now, Harley?" He asked, tapping his heavy fingers against the glossed surface of the table.

"Uhm…." His question had taken me off guard, sending my mind sputtering. It was literally the LAST question I ever thought I'd hear him ask. "Yeah, I mean….I like it."

"What if I offered you a life back in Charming?" He continued, his eyes narrowing. "If I offered you a place in SAMCRO….would you consider it?"

Silence.

"Wait….what?"

"After your father dies I won't have a replacement for him for a good while…and, since you already know what the job entitles…" He explained, his words trailing off into a sigh. "If I offered you a place in the club….would you think about it? Or just tell me to 'go fuck myself'." His words were slow and deliberate.

'Well…that does sound like something I'd say….'

"Wait, I can't-" I was cut off by the nervous laugh that ripped it's way from my throat. "I can't be a Brother."

"Why not?" Clay asked, his tone oddly accusing, making my eyebrows pull together, the roar of motorcycles pulling into the lot outside going unnoticed.

"I am not Prospecting!" I said, spitting out the first thing that came to my mind, my fingers tangling around each other in my lap as I watched Clay nod slowly.

"I never expected you to. Jax didn't…neither did Opie." He replied, sitting up in his chair a bit, his hard gaze never leaving me. "Children of a fellow Brother are given certain privileges. But, of course you already knew that."

"Of course they are." I mumbled more to myself than Clay.

"What if I told you, you had no choice, Doll." He continued, his shoulders raising as he put his elbows up onto the arm rests of his chair. "At least not until the man he did this to your father was caught."

I was starting to panic.

"Don't you think it'd be better to be a part of this club….instead of just being dead weight crashing in the dorms?"

I could not stay there.

I could NOT be a member of SAMCRO.

I would not get lost there again!

"I can't "I spat finally, my hands curling into fists under the table. A slow smirk settled on Clay's face as he casually lit is cigar. "I can't do all this….again."

"There are many who would beg to differ, Har." He chuckled, his eyes drifting up and over towards the door at my left.

The little girl within me was begging to agree. To be excepted back into the family who had raised me as their own. Fed me and clothed me when my father was gone to wherever it was he went.

But the other part, the louder and bigger part, was freaking out. Thrashing around inside me and screaming at me to just run away now.

He was boxing me in, forcing me further and further back into a corner.

And I didn't like it.

"This is bullshit, Clay." I finally shouted, jumping to my feet as my hands came down hard onto the table. "Why the fuck would you think I'd want to be part of your stupid little Motorcycle club anyway? All it's ever done is cause me grief-"

"All we ever did was keep you safe!" His voice was louder and angrier, easily drowning me out as he cut in, slamming his cigar into the ashtray at his side. "You can't choose who your family is! And, whether you like it or not, this club IS the only family you have left! So don't push to hard or you might just turn around oneday and see us gone!"

Silence.

"What…the fuck did we walk into?"

My head snapped to my left to see Tig inching his way into the room, Bobby leaning in the doorway.

I watched Tig's eyes shift down from Clay, widening slightly as they caught with mine as his lips split into the side smirk I had quickly came to associate with him.

"Hey, Har!" He greeted, moving quickly across the short space separating us to gather me into his arm. "Didn't even know you were back."

"I'm not actually back…" I said as Tig allowed me to detangle myself from the hug, keeping my hands closed in his. "I just came back to see my dad die."

"Harsh." Tig said, his dark eyebrows furrowing. I sent him a half hearted smile and lifted up onto my tip toes to peek over his shoulder.

"Hey Bobby." I said, watching as Bobby looked up from lighting his cigarette and flashed me a smile.

"Hi, darling." He said , winking as a puff of grey smoke drifted from his parted lips to shadow his face from my sight.

"I'll have somebody take you to see your dad later." Clay suddenly said, reminding me of his presents. I turned my head and met his hard eyes. I nodded and pulled my hands from Tigs, hugging Bobby quickly as I ducked through the door.

"We're not done talking about this!" I heard Clay yell just as I disappeared into the hallway and barreled towards my room.

God, I wish we were.

Xxxxx

I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep until a knock, soft and measured, woke me up.

Slowly, I pushed myself up and stumbled over to the door, momentarily forgetting where I was as I flung it open, staring at the figure before me with confusion for a few seconds before realizing who it was.

Opie.

Tears sprung to my eyes as my hands came to cover my mouth, a smile forming behind my ink stained fingers.

He looked almost exactly as he had the night before I felt, only with more facial hair and darker circles under his eyes.

Wordlessly I reached out and grabbed his cut, pulling him into the room before wrapping my arms around his neck. He smelled the same, I noted…..like smoke and oil.

His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tight as my feet were lifted from the carpet, his fingers lost in my hair.

He held me close.

So close I could feel his heart beat through his hoodie.

Opie had always given the best hugs.

"Don't ever fuckin' leave again." Was all he said, his words nearly lost to my ears as he buried his face against my neck.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay, before you read this, you should know Harley isn't good with managing her feelings, mostly her anger, and things turn into a fight more times than not. I had wanted to put in a flash back for Jax and Harley like I had with her and Opie, I felt the chapter was already too long to begin with anyway :/ I did struggle with her and Jax's first conversation. I wanted to stay true to Jax's character, but…Idk, I think Harley would just bring the worst out in him when provoked. I'm sorry if you don't agree with Jax's attitude in this chapter, I will try to fix it as the story goes on.**

 **Enjoy!**

Xxxxx

 **17 messages, 5 missed calls**

I followed closely behind Opie as he led the way across the eerily empty hospital parking lot, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the bag of stuff we'd picked at a gas station we'd passed on the way.

He stopped at the curb, lowering himself to sit before patting the empty space at his side.

"So….how've you been?" He asked, reaching into the bag and pulling out two sodas, the cans sweat dripping down and wetting his fingers as he held one out towards me.

"I've been good…mostly just going from day to day, I guess." I replied, popping the tab and taking a long drink, feeling the cool liquid slide down my throat, cooling me.

"Sucks about your dad…" he said, watching me closely.

Gauging my reaction.

He always did that.

Like I was some sort of fucking time bomb.

I shrugged my shoulders, a short and jerky movement.

I mean, I knew you were never close." He continued, turning his attention towards the hospital in the distance, eyes tracing outline. "Still…ya know?"

He was met with silence, my jaw set as I stared down at my lap, my thumb tracing the top of the can clenched in my hands.

'No…I don't.'

Opie never really understood my distaste for my dad. Always telling me to just take care of him and that all the shit he did was just a cry for help or some crap.

All the needless arguments we'd had over the years….all the days I refused to answer the phone when he called or open the door if he stopped by.

Xxxxx

 _Opie grabbed my arm as I started to turn, fully intending on running back into my house and slamming the door in his face._

" _Har!" He yelled, his voice booming against the still of the dusk that was settling in the sky. "Will you just listen to me?! For once?"_

" _No, Ope!" I heard myself yelling back, snapping my arm back and watching him back away slightly as I rushed towards him. "Everyday! Every FUCKING day we argue about this! Every time you open your mouth all I hear is what a shitty daughter I am and how I'm failing him-"_

" _Harley!" He interrupted, his arms outstretched towards me to pull me close and calm me down._

 _But I wasn't having it._

 _Angerly, I shoved him away, my hands coming into contact with his chest, causing him to loose his balance and stumble back._

" _Shut up!" I continued as I pointed a bandaged finger at him, watching him through narrowed eyes. "I'm failing him?! I'M failing HIM! He's my father, Opie! He shouldn't be depending on ME to watch his every fucking move! I'm not his mother! I'm not his wife! I'm his daughter" I shoved at him again. "He should be taking care of me!"_

" _you need to calm down, babe…" his voice was calm now, his hands held out at his sides as he took a pensive step forward._

 _Unexplainable anger boiled in my blood at his words._

 _He didn't get it._

 _His dad was everything a father should be._

 _Loving, caring….he gave a goddamn about his kids._

 _Jealously trickled in and slowly replaced the anger, making my stomach turn and my hands clench at my sides._

 _In a blur I bolted out, throwing my full weight against him and knocking him to the ground. My legs straddled his waist as my fist came into contact with his jaw, his skin soft under my knuckles._

 _I don't know how long it was, how long I was hitting him, but suddenly we had switched places. He leaned over me and pushing my body into the grass with his weight, my hands held above my head._

 _I struggled until I finally tired and gave in, my body going limp._

 _For a while…nobody said anything._

 _It was my pathetic sob that broke the silence, ripping it's way through my chest and into the uncomfortable quiet that had settled around us._

" _I don't know what to do…" my voice broke when I finally spoke, my eyes closing to relieve the burn of the tears welling up inside them. "I'm sorry, Opie…..I'm so fucking sorry!"_

 _My arms were released then, his heavy head dropping to my shoulder as he tried to catch his breath, his hair falling in my face._

 _Smoke and motor oil…._

" _I don't know what to do…." I sobbed, my chest tightening as all the pain and hopelessness came crashing down on me. "I don't know what to do…."_

 _His hands came to cup my face as his forehead pressed against mine, stray droplets of blood falling from his shattered lip down onto my cheeks._

" _You keep going, Harley." He whispered, his voice strained. His thumbs stroked my temples as his eyes closed, heaving a tired sigh. "You're stronger then this…."_

Xxxxx

"You like Virginia, then?" He said, his voice dragging me from my thoughts.

I looked over in time to see his eyes shift up to meet mine, squinting in the sun. For a moment, all I could do was was shrug in reply as I brushed some imaginary dirt off my jeans.

"Yeah…I mean, It's okay." I finally said after clearing my throat, kicking a stray piece of gravel. "Hotter than I woulda liked though."

He smiled then. It was a small smile, but it lit up his otherwise dark eyes, making him look more like the Opie I had known six years ago.

"Guess you weren't really thinking about that when you left, huh."

Silence.

"Have you talked to Jax since you've been back?" he asked as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket tapping it a few times against his palm.

A humorless laugh passed my lips as I shook my head, reaching over him to grab the bag and stuffed my hands inside. "Not even in the slightest." He watched in silence as I retrieved a sandwich and placed it in my lap, screwing around with the aluminum foil for a few seconds before finally getting it off. "He's pissed at me anyway."

"Can you really blame him, babe?" Opie replied, turning his attention back out towards the parking lot. "You did just up and leave him."

I snorted, tearing off a mouthful. "I up and left you too…..you're not all butt hurt about it."

"Yeah, but…." He paused here, squinting at a car as it pulled up to the hospital. "I wasn't your boyfriend, babe."

Silence.

"I was upset for awhile….." he said, shaking his head. "No call? No note? No nothing?" I sighed at his words, letting my head drop.

'Oh god….' The voice inside my head groaned, feeling the guilt start to rise up inside me.

Feelings.

Something I had never been good with.

"But I got over it." He continued, his long fingers stroking his beard as he moved his eyes back to me. "I knew how miserable you were here. I knew it was eating you away. Jax, on the other hand, knew nothing about it. I mean, did you ever tell him ANYTHING about how you felt."

"Jax…..was too self absorbed to care." I replied, my voice small. I knew what I said was complete crap, and by the raise of Opie's eyebrows so did he. "He wouldn't have cared…"

"Bullshit." He scoffed, reaching over to shove my shoulder lightly. "He would have cared. He DID care. He was enthralled with your crazy ass…..for some reason."

Laughing sadly, I knocked my knee against his as I shoved my half eaten sandwich into his lap. "Maybe you're the one who didn't care….getting over my leaving so easily."

"All the shit you put me through and I still stayed by your side." He teased, picking my discarded food up off his lap and taking a bite. "If that's not true love I don't know what is."

I chuckled, leaning over the small space separating us and laying my head against his sturdy shoulder. "Maybe I should have taken you with me."I sighed, musing out loud, my eyes closing. "Stolen you away in the night….."

Wordless, he pressed his cheek against my hair, patting my leg. For a moment, that's how we stayed, listening to the faint sounds of cars and trucks in the distance.

"I woulda gone, babe."

Xxxxx

We arrived back at the club, a few hours later, to Clay leaning against the door frame of the office. He nodded to Opie as we strolled up.

"Donna called while you were gone, Ope." He said, crossing his arms across his chest before shifting his attention down to me. "How's the old man doin'?"

"He's doing." I replied, shifting on my feet. "Doctor's said his heart rate's improved and his wounds are starting to close."

"They still don't hold alota hope though." Opie added, popping a cigarette in his mouth and lightening it. "Said it's a 70-30 chance he'll even wake up again."

"Damn," Clay cursed, shaking his head. "That's rough."

I was caught off guard when his hand landed on my shoulder, pulling me against his side. "How ya holdin' up, kid?"

I shrugged, clearing my throat. "I always expected dad would die one day…."

Clay chuckled, patting my back before releasing me, starting away. "You are one of the few, darlin'. A lot of people thought that bastard was immortal."

Sighing, I turned back to Opie and lit my own cigarette, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

The sun was just starting to set, casting a strange golden halo like glow around the lot, making the otherwise cold colors and sharp edges look oddly warm and welcoming.

"You should really go talk to him." Opie suddenly said, his voice low. Looking away from the sky I followed his line of sight.

Jax.

He was standing a few yards away, leaning against his bike. His arms were crossed over his chest, deet braced as he held my gaze with hard eyes. His hair was down and looked freshly washed. The ends, tucked neatly behind his ears, dripping water onto his crisp, white shirt.

"Uggghhh…."I whined, wrinkling my nose, keeping his eyes. "I don't wanna."

"You gotta, Har." Opie urged from beside me, shoving his free hand into his pocket. "Don't you think you owe him that much?"

"He'll kill me." I replied, ignoring his question.

"I won't let that happen." He chuckled.

"He hates me."

"You abandoned him."

"Who's side are you on!" I snapped, turning to glare at him.

I was met with a smile, his head ducking to lean his forehead against mine. "Yours." He answered simply, pressing a quick kiss against my cheek. "Always."

From the corner of my eye I saw Jax jerk up from his bike, hands dropping to his sides.

'What the fuck is his problem now.' the voice inside my head groaned.

"You got this." He called as he backed away, pointing a finger at me.

"I got this." I called back, turning just in time see Jax sprint across the lot after Opie. The look on his face a mix of anger and annoyance.

I sighed as the both disappeared around a corner, taking a long drag of my cigarette before dropping it to the ground.

Did I have this?

Xxxxx

'I don't wanna do this….'

'I don't wanna do this….'

'I do NOT want to do this.'

Despite my inner turmoil I had my way across the common room later that night, my eyes locked on Jax where he sat at the bar, head bowed over the bottle of beer in his hand.

'Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.' The voice yelled over and over again in my head like some sort of fucked up prayer as I slide, hesitantly, into the seat beside him.

"Hey, Harley." Half Sack greeted, moving to step in front of me, wiping his hands on a tattered rag before throwing it over his shoulder. "What can I get ya?"

"Whiskey." I replied without thinking, trying to get my brain to work. "No…never mind. Can I have a beer instead."

"Sure thing." He said, turning away.

I was freaking the fuck out.

My thoughts were fast and confusing, making very little sense.

My palms were sweaty and the tips of my ears burned.

And, for some strange reason I was suddenly very aware of my hands.

"Here ya go." Half Sack said, returning from where ever he went, sliding an opened beer into my hands.

"Thanks." I mumbled, daring a look over at the man at my side. He was exactly like he was when I sat down. Head drooped, eyes staring blankly at his beer, knee bouncing wildly under the bar.

Fuck I didn't know what the hell to say.

Squeezing my drink, I forced my mouth open, suddenly finding myself flailing in shit deep water for a moment when I couldn't think of what the hell to say.

"Uhmm..."I finally landed on, rolling my eyes internally.

Fucking brilliant, dipshit.

"How're you?" I tried again, managing a weak smile. I was answered with a disgusted snort.

"Shut the fuck up." Jax said, chuckling humorlessly as he rose his head and took a long drink of his beer.

My eyebrows rose as my lips pursed. 'Yupp….about what I expected.' I thought, nodding my head slowly and chugging at my own beer.

Liquid courage at it's finest.

"Look, Jax, I know you're mad at me," I continued, digging myself even a bigger hole. "And I totally understand….I just promised Opie I'd try and talk to you…."

Silence.

I had paused, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. Instead, he just continued to sit there, his jaw set and his fingers were tapping against the bar.

After a moment I cleared my throat, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

I remember when it had been so easy to talk to Jax.

Suddenly he stood and grabbed his beer, weaving slightly as he made his way out the club's door to the lot. I paused for a moment before I moved to start after him.

My boots fell heavily onto the sticky floor as I slid off my stool, hurrying outside to catch up with him as he made stormed towards the bikes.

"Look," I said when I caught up to him. "Obviously, you don't wanna talk to me-"

His beer bottle crashing to the ground caused me to fall silent, my eyes wide as he rushed towards me. He seemed taller now, more intimidating as he stood before me, so close I could feel his hot, shallow breath on my face.

"Yeah! No shit!" Jax yelled, his tone was harsh, eyes hard. "Why did you even come back!"

"Clay called me…told me my dad was dying." I replied, my brow furrowing as my hands shoved themselves into my pockets, fighting to urge to run.

"I highly doubt you came back to be with your dying father." He spat coldly, stepping away in one sharp movement. "Everybody in the club knows how much you hated him."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off with a wave of his hand.

"Save it, okay?" He continued. "You're a selfish person, Harley. You are now and you were then! Using people just like you're using this whole 'my dad's dying' excuse to get a free pass to just waltz right back in and have everybody accept you."

My eyes narrowed, my feet squaring off automatically, brushing off the sadness pitting in my stomach as I stared into his uncaring eyes.

"You….you think you know everything! You always have!" I snarled, my skin suddenly feeling heated against the cool evening air. "But this….you know SHIT about this! And that you'd act like you do?! Yeah, I may be selfish! But you're conceited! And that's just as bad."

He stepped towards me again, lips pulled tight.

"You need to leave." He said, eerily calm. "Now."

"What?!" I yelled, a disbelieving laugh bubbling up in my chest. "Are you gonna hit me, Jax? Is the precious 'Price' gonna hurt a helpless woman?"

"You need to stop talking." He said, his voice low. "Before you get hurt."

I had never seen him this angry before.

The smart option right then would have been to have been to just walk away and board the next bus home. But, because I am not smart, I chose wrong.

I shook my head at his words and spread my arms out at my sides. "Come at me! You think you can?! I WILL TEAR YOU THE FUCK APART!"

The next thing he did was something I never thought in a million years he would actually do.

Jax lunged at me.

In reaction I braced myself, my eyes closing on their own accord as I waited for the pain. But none came, instead I heard scuffling.

When I opened my eyes I was greeted with the sight and Jax being restrained by Bobby and Juice, Chib's standing between us.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Jackie-boy!" he yelled, his hand braced against Jax's chest. "I better be losing my goddamn mind, because I KNOW you were not just going to hit a lady!"

All Jax did for a moment was stare at me, his chest heaving as he pulled himself from the two men's grasps, rushing forward only to be shoved back by Chib's.

He recovered his composer quickly, steadying himself long enough to point an accusing finger at me.

"You'd better be gone by morning." He all but growled, lips curling over his teeth as he turned and climbed onto his bike. I stood in silence as I watched him drive off, unaware of Chibs's stepping up beside me until he spoke.

"You alright, love?" he asked, his voice gentle, his words slow. I found myself shaking my head, walking into his unsuspecting arms, feeling them still before wrapping around me.

"I didn't have it…."


	5. Chapter 5

_I heard the ping of a message over my music, my heart hitching a few beats as I looked up from the book I was reading to where my phone sat on my bed-side table._

 _Slowly, I sat up and crossed my legs under the covers, watching the hazy blue glow of my phone screen dim before blinking out completely._

 _1:32_

 _The fuzzy numbers of the clock beside me glowed in the darkness._

 _There was only one person who would be texting me this late._

 _After a moment, I reached over and picked it up, pulling up the message with a swipe of my thumb._

 _ **Come outside.**_

 _Short and to the point._

 _I found myself intrigued as I stepped out of bed, my bare feet hitting the chilled wood floor as I padded my way over to my window, moving the heavy curtains aside to peek out._

 _Outside, down by the street, stood Jax. His head was tilted up, eyes on my window , as he leaned against his bike. He pushed off his bike to stand when he saw me, waving the hand that still held his phone, his smile wide._

 _My heart jumped in my chest._

 _He was home._

 _I couldn't help but smile as I waved back, darting away from my window towards my door, uncaring as I stomped into my shoes on my way down the stairs. I peered in on my dad as I made my way to the front door, pausing a moment to stare at him as he lay passed out on the couch, the glow from the t.v setting an eerie grey light around the otherwise dark living room._

 _Jax was waiting at the end of the walkway when I flung the door open, barely noticing the light splatter of rain drops against my skin as I hurried into his arms, my grip around his waist tight as I buried my face against his chest._

" _Hey baby," he whispered, his fingers lost in my hair as he leaned down, tilting my head up towards his. "I missed you."_

Xxxxx

 **20 messages, 14 missed calls**

I woke up in a shitty mood the next morning, grumbling softly to myself as I stood in the clubs kitchen, a steaming cup of coffee held tightly between my hands. I watched people pass through narrowed eyes silently cursing anyone who dared enter and interrupt my bout of self pity.

Today was going to suck.

Ten o'clock in the morning and I already fucking knew it.

I could feel it in my bones.

"Good morning, Quinie." Chibs said, his tone cheerful, when he stepped into the kitchen, heading towards the cupboard and pulling down a mug.

"Is it?" I replied in a bitter tone, watching as he poured his coffee. "It must be blocked out by the massive amount of shit hanging over my head."

He chuckled as he strolled over to where I stood, leaning against the counter at my side. "Ya mean you don't usually lurk in kitchens giving people stink eyes?"

I gave a sarcastic laugh. "Only on Tuesday's."

"Ahh." he replied with little humor in his voice, looking away as I raised my mug to my lips. "I've been sitting over there watching you sulk about in here for almost an hour now….what the hell is wrong?"

Silence.

"Is it about Jax?" he pressed, his voice low.

"Not everything in my life revolves around Jax, you know." I snapped, getting irritated. He smiled at me, unfazed by my blatant rudeness.

"It very much used to, as I recall." he retorted, nudging my arm with his. "C'Mon, I've known you since before you were even a thought in your parents mind, Quinie."

Even though my gaze was turned away I could feel his eyes on me, his attention heavy as it let me know I wasn't getting out of this one quietly.

"Jax…is Jax." I finally replied with a sigh. "Everybody knows that. Either you agree with him or your just another obstacle he's gotta over-come."

I used to love that about him. His unwavering ability to over run anything or anybody in his path.

But now?

Now I tired.

I wasn't a teenager that got off on shit like that anymore.

I had worked to hard to get to where was and was not about to let Jax roll over me again.

"Are you mad about that?" Chibs asked again, drawing me out of my thoughts to let out a dry laugh.

"You sound like the world's weirdest shrink." I said, pulling my half empty cup to my lips and taking a long drink of the hot liquid.

"I'm just trying to help you figure it out., Quinie." He chuckled in reply. "I know you've never been good with stuff like this."

I shot him a sharp look before turning my attention back to the closed church doors, my jaw setting.

" _Don't you think it'd be better to be a part of this club again….instead of just being dead weight crashing in the dorms?"_ Clay's voice echoed in my head.

He had put it so harsh, even though he probably hadn't meant to. But he was right.

Right then all I was was a drain on their resources, I wasn't part of their little club. I had no right to stand up to Jax on his turf, he could walk over me all he wanted…no.

Not a chance in hell.

"Ya know what, Chibs?" I suddenly said, my eyes narrowing at the still closed doors as I pushed off the counter. "I am mad. But not for fucking long."

I felt like some really crappy hero straight out of some crappy little 'D' superhero movie as I stormed across the room and shoved the doors open, the sound of my boots kicking the heavy wood reverberating throughout the room as all eyes turned towards me.

I spoke before anybody else could.

Unsure if I'd even still want this anymore as the seconds trickled by.

"Clay, does your offer still stand?" I said, my voice louder than necessary, my hand gripping the doorknob tightly. I watched as a slow grin grew on his face, his fingers interlocking across his belly as he sat back in his chair.

"Absolutely."

"Then…..I accept." I said as I nodded a stiff nod, watching as Clay stood and crossed the room, arms wide.

"Welcome back to the family, Harley." He said, his large hand closing around my jaw as he gave my cheek a firm peck. He held me at arms length for a moment before chuckling and ruffling my hair, turning back to return to his seat. "You'll have your cut within the hour."

Being back in Charming was doing strange thing to me, physically and emotionally, I already knew this. But as my eyes moved over to Jax, mindlessly seeking approval as I had all those years ago, I knew it was now fucking with me mentally.

And that scared me.

The look on his face was priceless though.

Confusion came first, followed by disbelief, then finally landing firmly on anger. His light eyes flashing red as he turned towards Clay, already braced and puffing away on his cigar, eyes on Jax.

"My choice. Not yours."

He looked like a man on the edge as he swung his head back to look at me, his furious attention landing in me like a ton of bricks.

I felt bad.

I really did.

But he had pushed me too far.

It hurt, but all I could do was smile at him. I felt like a bitch, and in all honesty I was probably being just that, but somebody had to finally put Charming's precious little prince in his place.

He didn't know who I was now.

He had no idea how bad I would hurt him if he ever gave me a reason.

Xxxxx

I was virtually ignored that night as I sat at the bar, and in a way I was thankful for that.

At first it was awkward, watching the Crow Eaters huddle together and stare at me curiously, unsure on how they should approach the whole concept before deciding to ignore me all together and focus on what they knew best.

I smiled at the memory as I took a drink of the beer in my hand.

They all looked to damn confused.

Suddenly I sighed, my smile dropping as my eyes fell to my hands.

The weight of the cut was oddly constricting, heavy on my back and shoulders as I sat hunched over the bar. The leather smelled nice though, the reaper on the back bright and freshly made.

It truly was a beautiful thing.

Lifting a hand I stroked the collar, letting my fingers drift over the patches sewn over the chest as I unwillingly contemplated how full circle I had come from the time I had arrived back.

I had came home bitter and disgusted, wanting nothing more than to run away all over again. But there I was, three days later, sitting at the clubs bar once again, the reaper displayed 'proudly' on my back.

"Jesus Christ." I mumbled to myself bitterly. I found very little humor in the whole situation.

I shouldn't have done this.

I couldn't handle what this all entitled.

Taking a shallow breath I downed the rest of my drink, the cool bubbles soothing my suddenly sore throat.

'I….may have bitten off more than I can chew.'

Silence.

"Well…..fuck a duck." I sighed, letting my head drop down onto my arms, crossed over each other on the surface of the bar.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I don't know why this chapter was so hard to write (took me long enough to) anyway, I'm not totally happy with it and can feel writers block coming on, but I'll just try to write it away before it gets too bad. I hope you enjoy this chapter though :)**

Jax-

I watched Harley from where I sat in the garage, squished between the vending machine and tool chest, my hand trembling as I brought my cigarette to my lips.

She stood by the entrance of the club, beer in hand as she fiddled with the edges of her newly acquired cut. Her attention darted up every now and then to glance at the parking lot.

'Who was this girl….'

Her eyes, once a radiant blue, now looked tired and beaten. Her completion pale, old bruises shown just under the skin in various stages of purples and yellows. Her hair had been dulled, the honey blonde color I had always loved bleached away.

It was hard to believe that I had once loved her.

That the girl I at one point would have died for, was now nothing but a stranger.

"Jax?"

My eyes opened at her voice, the slight shift of her body against mine pulling me from the haze I had drifted into, the cool evening sun and her gentle breathing lulling me to sleep.

"What, babe?" I answered, my words muffled by a short yawn.

For a moment she said nothing, causing me to tilt my head to glance down at where she lay against my chest, eyes wide as she stared up at me.

"What?" I said again, unsure if she had heard me or not.

"Can we get married?" She asked, her words, unexpected, sending flutters of excitement through my clenching stomach.

"What?" I found myself asking, a small smile pulling at my lips as I glanced at the trees surrounding us. "Right now?"

Her giggle was like music as it reached my ears, her smile enchanting as her small hand playfully hit my shoulder.

"No, stupid!" She replied as she sat up, crossing her legs beneath her. "But, Ya know…..maybe one day?"

I watched in silence for a moment, watching her toy with the hem of her sweater as she tried to appear calm and collected, but the shaking of her hands gave away just how nervous she was.

Was she really this unsure about how I felt about her?

After all this time?

I pushed myself up onto my knees and took her hands in mine, waiting for her eyes to meet mine before I started to talk.

"I love you, Harley." I started, my words slow and deliberate. "I've loved you since the moment my dad took me to see you after you were born and will continue to love you until the day I die." I paused here to smile at the small pink blush creeping up onto her cheeks and nose. "I'm sorry to say…but there's not a goddamn thing you can possibly do to get rid of me."

Her smile widen for a moment before starting to shrink, my brow furrowing as she eyes turned away from me.

"But…" her voice was low and hesitant as she spoke. "What about Tara?"

Her question took me off guard.

'Tara?' I thought, not completely sure what the hell was going on. ' What the hell about Tara?'

"What about her?"

"I see how you look at her, Jax." Harley said as she tried to pull her hands from mine. "I'm not an idiot-"

"Well, you're being an idiot right now, babe." I interrupted, reaching out and pulling her towards me, my arms wrapping around her tightly. "There's nothing, and will never be anything, between me and Tara."

"You can't promise that…" I heard her mumble as she pulled herself away from me to sit back on her heels. "You don't know what will happen in the future."

"I know I'll love you." I said, my fingers closing around her jaw as I tilted her head up to face me. "It will always be you, babe. That will never change."

A slow smile started to tug at the corners of her mouth, her blue eyes wide as she stared up at me with a look I couldn't really place. Her arms went around my neck as she leaned forward, my fingers lost in the thick mess of her hair as our lips met.

Her last drink of beer was long and gulped, shaking it quickly in her hand before hurling it into the trashcan beside her.

I watched on as I hopped down from the table, my movement catching Harley's attention and causing her bloodshot eyes turned to look at me, her lips turning down into an ugly look of disgust before she turned away once more.

I lit another cigarette and frowned deeply as I started across the yard towards the clubhouse.

Nothing about her was like the girl I fell in love with, and that angered me.

My Harley was soft and loving….carefree. she brought sunshine into my life where there wouldn't have been before.

But her, this Harley, was bitter and broken. Crushed by the world and drowning in her own anger.

"Ope!" I suddenly heard her shout, my head snapping around in time to see her dart from her spot and across the yard towards the gate. The roar of motorcycles were nearly deafening as they filed in, parking in a neat line.

Opie smiled as he undid his helmet, tossing it quickly over the handle bars as he watched Harley run. She slowed a few feet away, stepping without hesitation into his open arms as her hands closed tight around the dulled leather of his cut.

I watched Opie's head duck as he pressed his lips to her ear, Harley laughing at whatever he had said as she stepped away and did a short twirl for him.

'What the fuck is going on here.' I thought as my eyes narrowed, my hands tightening into fists at my sides as I watched him pull her body against his and peck her gently on the cheek.

"Whoa, man…" Bobby's voice suddenly said, pulling me from my thoughts as his hand landed on my shoulder. "You okay, Jax? Ya look kinda sick."

Daring one last look over at Opie and Harley I nodded my head, pulling out of Bobby's grasp. "Fucking fantastic."

Xxxx

26 messages, 20 missed calls

Jax had been staring at me for far to long now, and the burn of his glare as it bore into my profile was starting to aggravate me. I took a mouthful of my beer and swallowed it in one gulp as I examined the bottle in my hand, shaking once before tossing it into the trash as I realized that it was, indeed, empty.

Movement caught my attention, my head turning to the side when I figured I'd finally had enough. My narrowed eyes swung around and met his, watching his pale eyes widen slightly and refocus almost as if he had been deep in thought.

'Fucking asshole.' I thought as I made a face, the clank of the gates drawing my attention away from Jax and towards the violent rumble of the guys bikes as they rolled in, my eyes finding Opie immediately.

I felt like a child on their birthday, suddenly giddy as I started forward into a run. I couldn't wait to tell him the news.

"Ope!" I heard myself shout as I crossed the yard, my boots crunching against loose gravel. He looked up at my voice, a smile appearing on his face as he took off his helmet and climbed off his bike, his arms open for me.

"Well, look at you!" He chuckled as I approached, catching me easily as I hurled myself into his arms. He hugged me tightly for a moment, his beard tickling my cheek as he leaned close. "Playing dress up with your daddy's cut again I see."

I laughed and pulled away, hitting him in the chest before giving a half ass twirl. "Do I look badass? Because I feel…" I paused and let my smile fade, my head dropping. "stupid. So stupid."

He laughed and pulled me close once again, stealing my balance as I fell forward into him. "I'm so proud of you, Har." I heard him whisper, his breath warm against my skin as he pressed his lips lightly against my cheek and slapped me on the back.

Xxxx

The cool night air hit me like a ton of bricks as Opie set me on the ground, my back colliding with the wall behind me as my boost scrapped against the asphalt.

"You gonna be okay if I go and get you water?"

Opie's voice sounded muffled and far away to my ears.

The alcohol was doing weird things to me.

My skin was itchy and tight, my eyes burned and my heart raced as if I'd just run a mile as the dull throb of sobriety started in my temples.

Yet, I couldn't get this stupid smile off my face.

My vision tunneled as I raised my head to look up at Opie, his smile blurred and his face nearly hidden by shadows cast by the clubhouse as I nodded my head.

"I'm drunk Opie," I heard myself saying, shoving at his chest. "Not retarded."

He chuckled once and started way, making his was around the bikes to get back inside. I watched him until he disappeared trying to piece together what events had lead up to that moment.

"A fucking girl!" Tig said for the eighth time, shaking his head at me from across the table, letting out a short laugh as he brought his beer to his lips. "One of my Brothers….is, in fact, a sister."

I watched as he smirked, laughing in return and pointing a finger at him. My voice surprisingly loud, even to my ears, as I replied, my words slurred. "Hey, old man! I am more of a man then you could ever hope to be!"

He stared over at me, amused, his smirk growing slowly as he sized me up.

"You got the goods to back it up, doll?" Tigs challenged , sitting back in his chair, one arms spread out at the side as the other dipped down below the table to grip the front of his jeans. I felt my eyes narrow playfully at his words, my gaze fogged and wavering as I downed took another mouthful of Vodka and stumbled up to stand onto my stool.

I had no idea in my drunken state just what I was starting.

Just how much I was racking up on a check I could never cash.

I was really gone.

"You think I don't?" I spat, the corner of my mouth lifting up into a smug smile as I lifted the hem of my shirt and reached my hands to the waist of my jeans with over shot and clumsy movements

My finger tips had barely grazed the top button before my hand was pulled away to my side, a warm grip encircling my wrist.

I had somehow managed to turn my head enough to see that Opie was no longer seated in his chair and was instead standing at my side, one of his arms curling around my waist to keep me from falling off the unsteady perch.

"Okay, Har." he said as he attempted to pull me down, his words almost lost to the other, louder, conversations happening around the lobby. "I think that's enough alcohol for you."

"Nooooo…." I whined, puffing out my chapped bottom as I tried to pull out of his grasp. "I'm having fun. Don't be such a poo-poo."

I heard him sigh.

"You're drunk, Harley." He stated, his tone firmer as his grip on her tightened around my waist and arm. "At least step outside a minute and clear your frizzy little head."

"Hey man," I heard Tig interject, Opie's eyes turning away to watch Tigs half full beer raise into the air as he pointed a finger at him. "She doesnt gotta go if she doesn't want to."

"This has got nothing to do with you, brother." Opie replied, his voice tight. "She needs to go sleep this off."

His attention turned back towards me, my eyes unfocused and my head lifting slightly as I stared down at him from my stool.

My throat started to itch and my mouth started to water, forcing me to swallow a few times to rid myself of the feeling. The sudden sick shift in my stomach caught me by surprise, watching Opie through widening eyes as he took an unsure step back as I leaned forward.

My hand covered my mouth as I closed my eyes, trying to focus on anything else besides the churning in my belly.

"Dude," Juice said from the other side of the table, his voice hushed and slightly panicked. "Clays not gonna be happy if she gets sick all over the clubhouse."

"Yeah. I know." Opie replied, I felt him shift, his voice suddenly closer when he spoke again. "Hey, babe….you okay?"

How many times had he asked me that in all the years that we'd known each other?

I couldn't tell you.

But as the memories played back to me behind my closed lids I felt my stomach start to settle, a smile forming behind my hand as a odd warm feeling started to tingle inside me.

Maybe it was only the drinks talking, or the fact that the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Opie's dark, concerned gaze as he leaned down to my level.

But, nonetheless, I was suddenly happy.

Happy about the long bus ride.

Happy about the California heat.

Happy about all the dumb decisions I had made over the course of the last week.

I was happy to be home.

Reaching out I wrapped my arms wound tightly around his neck, pressing my forehead against his as I climbed onto him like I had for as long as I could remember.

If I shut my eyes and concentrated, I swore it was almost like the last three years had never happened.

That everything hadn't fallen apart.

"Onward to the lot, good sir!" I ordered, one of my arms unwinding itself from him to point over his shoulder.

His answering smile was brilliant, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he shook his head and hoisted me over his shoulder.

"You are such a dork."

Xxxx

"Harley?"

My eyes must have shut at some point, because when I opened them I was seated on the ground, a sweating bottle of water held between my tingling hands.

A pair of heels drew my attention forward, my gaze drifting over their glossy black finish.

"Are you okay?" The voice from before asked again, throwing me back in time once for the millionth time. Glimpses of dark hair and a sparkling white smile blotted my vision causing my once happy mood to dissolve as the sour pang of anger seeped into to take it's place.

My teeth grit together as my eyes turned up to glare at the person standing over me, the proverbial thorn in my side ever since she had first stepped foot into Teller-Morrow.

Her friendly smile plucking at my already swelling jealousy as the warm look in her eyes only seemed to fuel my anger even further.

"Tara."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: The plots finally poking it's ugly little head out :) Thank you all for the follows and favorites. I'm happy you guys are enjoying the story.**

Xxxx

Her name burned my mouth, sand papering my throat as I craned my neck to look at her.

After a moment I heard her speak again.

Breaking the heavy silence that grew between us like rot as we held each others unwavering gaze.

"It's been awhile." She said, moving slightly from my path as I started to shift. "I'm sorry about your dad."

I snorted, un-amused, gripping the wall as I pushed myself to my knees. The world spun around me as I moved, causing my head to drop and my chin to hit my chest.

'Jesus Christ.' I thought, my teeth clenched tight as my head slowly shook from side to side. 'Fucking Vodka.'

"Do you need some help?" I heard her ask softly, I looked up in time to see her reach out her hand, my eyes instantly drawn to the glittering ring upon her finger.

She smelled like vanilla and happiness, her perfume carried on the light breeze to assault my scrunched nose as I unthinkingly shoved her hand away, bracing my other hand against my knee.

"No. I got it." I snapped, wincing slightly as I pushed myself upright. Her eyes met mine against once I had gotten my footing. "Never thought I'd see you attending a club party."

Her smile returned, a little less bright than before. "Well, I heard you were back…I thought I'd come and see how you were doing."

'See how I was doing?' I thought, rolling my eyes. 'You just wanted to see what a mess I am, you bitch.'

"That and Jax hasn't stopped talking about you." She chuckled, a bitterness hidden deep within her words. I laughed, turning my head to glance around the lot.

"Yeah," I replied with a sigh, wiping my hand quickly over my face. "I know the feeling."

It was a low, unwarranted, blow.

I knew that.

But it was true.

She had made me self conscience and afraid of losing Jax for so long…

She deserved to be hurt.

My words were met with silence, only the slight him of the crickets in the distance to fill the empty space between us. I dared a look over at her after a few seconds.

Her dark eyes were lowered, her perfect features partially hidden by some of the smooth and glossy hair that had escaped her neat bun at some time during the night as she turned her face into profile. A slight pink blush had been splattered across her cheek, her small hands clenched lightly into fists at her sides.

'Shit.' I thought, amused. My eyebrows raised slightly as I looked over her down turned mouth and flushed face. 'Bitch got a quick temper.'

Jax had always liked them fiesty.

"I came here….hoping to have a pleasant conversation with you," she started, her words tight, her tone irritated. "Bury the hatchet on a way. For the misunderstanding we had in the past-"

"Misunderstanding?" I laughed, my louder voice easily cutting hers off, taking her by surprise. "There was no 'misunderstanding'. You wanted Jax, but couldn't have him. So you made my life nothing but a big fucking question."

This time she was the one to laugh. "I was an idiot to think I could actually have a mature conversation with you." Her eyes were hard as they grazed over me, her body twisting as she turned to leave. "You are still very much a child, Harley."

"Yeah," I spat at her receding form through clenched teeth. "And you're still an insufferable bitch."

Her steps slowed, her slim shoulders tensing as her head lifted slightly and allowing the thin chain around her neck to catch the harsh light wafting from the street lamps.

I mentally braced myself for what she was about to say.

Readied myself for whatever hate she was about to throw at me. Prepared myself for whatever insult the great doctor had thought up.

But nothing could have shielded me from the words that came from her mouth right then.

"I almost had Jax, you know….he came so close to giving in so many times." Her voice was low, but it was the only thing I heard.

The air around me seemed to shatter, the ground under me seemed to quake as the long numbed feelings I had had towards Jax were dug up and destroyed all over again.

I stood in silence for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Unsure of exactly how to feel.

It felt like I had been shot.

The pain that radiated through my body was unexpected and intense. My eyes narrowing as my feet shifted, my hands curling themselves into fists.

My heart was breaking in a way it had never before.

And I didn't even know why.

Almost immediately I saw the regret on Tara's face as she turned to face me for the last time . Her eyebrows pulling together, her mouth dropping open slightly as her hand rose slowly into the thick air between us.

"Harley…." She whispered shakily, her eyes filled with sudden compassion and shock, as if taken off guard by her own truth. "I didn't…I…I shouldn't have-"

I launched from my previous spot and pushed her back, my palm flat against her shoulder as she rammed back into the wall with a short gasp.

I didn't wait to hear what she had say.

I didn't want to hear it.

When I was younger I had a whole speech prepared for this moment. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it when the time finally came.

I rewrote it so many times in my mind I had lost count.

But now, as I stood glaring down at her…..I had nothing to say. Everything I had memorized was gone and replaced with two simple words.

"Fuck. You." I snarled before pulling back, wiping my hand against my jeans and walking away from her. My eyes burned as I ducked my head and made my way to my room, ignoring my name as it was called across the lobby.

My door slammed shut, my suddenly sweaty forehead banging against its sticky surface as the first of my tears fell.

I was ashamed of myself.

Crying over something that was long over and would never happen again.

My heart breaking over a guy I had hardly even thought about in years.

With a loud sob I pushed away from the door, kicking it a few times and making it crack against it's hinges before falling to the ground.

It was all gone.

All the happy memories of Jax…

All the stupid promises and private jokes…

Everything I didn't think I needed, or even wanted anymore, was gone.

I fell asleep where I had fallen, curled up in a ball holding my stomach as the room spun around me.

Xxxx

Bright sunlight blinded me behind my closed eyelids, pulling me from my dreamless sleep with a start, my head swimming as I jolted up.

"What the hell!" I yelled, clenching my head and grinding my teeth, the pain unimaginable as it chipped away at the back of my skull.

"Time to get up." Came a females voice, the sound of heels muffled clomping against the carpet drawing my squinted eyes up. "You're needed in church."

I took in her hot pink tank top and her short leather skirt, her fish nets torn and worn the knees.

A fucking crow eater.

"Fuck off." I mumbled, shaking my head slightly to clear it. I heard the jingle of brackets and a slight sigh from above me.

"You shouldn't be rude to somebody's who's just trying to help your sorry ass." Came her reply, the faint rasp in her voice lulling me into a false sense of sleep.

"I don't need no help from a fucking Crow eater." I mumbled, proceeding to lay back down onto the dirty carpet. "Useless pieces of shit. I can take care of my own damn self."

"Yeah," was her snarky reply, her tone conveying a tone of disgust. "By the looks of that vomit in your hair I can tell you're doing one hell of a job so far."

'Son of a bitch.'

"Look, 'I'm sure you're a…'great' girl. But I just had the worst night of my life, so if you would kindly go to hell, that'd be great." I groaned, her mere presents starting to make the throb in my head intensify. My mouth tasted rank and my throat was dry, my already uneasy stomach turning every time I opened my sensitive eyes.

I wanted another drink.

Another drink and to be left to drown in my own self pity alone.

Was that really too much to ask?

"And you think I had a wonderful fucking night?" she retorted, snorting humorlessly. "You think I wannabe over here dealing with your whiny, vomit covered ass?"

"Then why the Fuck are you here." I snarled, banging the floor beside my head in annoyance. "Go away! Tell Clay to go to hell!"

"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that." She snorted, I opened my eyes to watch her shake her head. "Look….Ya gotta get up."

"What's the fucking point." I sobbed, sounding pathetic even to myself. "My life is a complete fucking mess again. God. And I was just starting to accept it!"

I heard the shift of clothes and the woman knelt down at my side, grabbing my arms to sit me up. I fought her the whole way, finally giving in and crossing my legs under me to glare over at her hatefully.

"Life is shit and the people you meet are gonna, more times than not, be shit themselves." She said, her head moving to catch my gaze as I rolled my eyes and turned away. "But like my Grandma always said 'You just gotta pull yourself up, get off the floor, wash the vomit outta your hair and pretend all that other fuckery doesn't bother you."

I couldn't help the smile that tightened my cheeks, my eyes narrowing suspiciously. "That sounds oddly accurate to this situation."

"Maybe I paraphrased a bit." She chuckled in reply, getting to her feet after a moment and offering a slim hand down to me. "I was serious about that shower though. You stink."

"I know." I agreed, taking her hand in my and allowing her to help pull me to my feet, sending us both off balance for a moment. "I'm Harley."

She laughed, nodding her head as she wound her arm through mine and around my waist. "Cherry."

Xxxx

I felt human again as I strolled into church, hands digging in my pockets as I took my seat beside Bobby. He lifted his eyes to look at me when I moved, leaning closer to his side as I placed a cigarette between my lips.

"What's all this about?" I whispered, my gaze locked on the deep set frown on Clays face. "Somebody die?"

"The Mayans are moving closer." Bobby replied, snaking his own cigarette from my pack as I lit up. "Clay thinks there's a rat."

"Who?" I couldn't help but ask, my interest peaked and overwhelming as my attention swung back over to Bobby. He laughed at my question, taking his glasses off and shaking his head before replying.

"If I knew that, they would be dead."

"Why don't I doubt that?" I chuckled, leaning away slightly as he reached out to pinch my cheek.

"Because you're one of the smart one, darling."

My retort was silenced by Clays gavel, the hollow slam echoing throughout the large room and silencing all on going conversations.

"Brothers," his voice boomed, his gaze swinging once around the table acknowledging each of us. "The situation with the Mayans isn't getting better. They are getting too fucking comfortable. Over the course of the last few days more and more have been spotted within our bounds. Business owners are starting to voice their concern, some even refusing to open their stores until this problem is resolved."

"So, what's the plan?" I heard Chibs ask from his place a few seats away. "Do we force them out?"

"I'm trying spare blood. Avoid unnecessary casualties." Clay replied, tapping his fingers against the paper set out before him. "I have arranged a meet and exchange of sorts with the Mayans. They need guns and we have guns to give them-"

"To scope out the place." Opie interjected, his head nodding slowly in understanding. Clay pursed his lips, his hand raising to point a finger in Opie direction. "See what their bringing to the table."

"Exactly. We gotta scrub out the threat before it goes too deep." He said, turning his head towards Jax. "You'll be heading this one."

"Sounds good."

I couldn't make myself look over at Jax as he replied, but the grin was evident in his voice as I stared down at my hands resting upon the section of table before me.

Insults rushed my mind.

He was a liar.

He was weak.

He didn't deserve this.

"I want you to pick out who you want to accompany you. But, remember, you head out the day after tomorrow so don't just stand around with your sick in your hand."

"Yeah, yeah."

Xxxx

I couldn't have left the room any faster after church had ended, punching the door open amid my mad dash to leave and hide in the bathroom.

I exited moments later, the door pulled open just as my hand reached to grasp the smudged handle. I found myself face to face with Jax, his piercing blue eyes driving a knife straight through between my eyes as I hurriedly looked away.

'Run away.'

My shoulder rammed his as I shoved passed him, ignoring the way his head turned to follow me as I stormed away.

I spotted Opie a few feet away, standing around some of the Crow eaters and laughing at whatever they were saying.

"Hey." I said as I popped my head between two of the girls, ignoring their irritated scoffs and their overwhelming perfume as it burned my nose. "Wanna get a beer?"

My eyes must have been pleading, my tone desperate, because he moved forward without a thought, his heavy arm swinging over my shoulder as he lead me forward.

"Thought you'd never ask." He joked, sending a small smile down to me as we made our way over to the bar.


End file.
